Brené Brown’s Top 10 Rules for Self-Love
Mindspo’s self-love series brings you the best self-love tips from celebrities, influencers and all-round amazing human beings.
We all know that self-love is important for our wellbeing and overall happiness. But how exactly can we work on cultivating more of it?
Loving ourselves can often feel like an uphill battle, especially if we’re going through challenging times or uncertain situations. Self-love takes on many different forms, and it doesn’t necessarily mean lighting candles or taking bubble baths (although it can sometimes). In some cases, it means doing the inner-work and diving deep into what makes us tick.
If you don’t know where to start, don’t fret, you’re in good company. Brené Brown is renowned for her extensive work on courage and vulnerability (something we could all use a little more of). Simply put, when it comes to self-love, Brené knows her stuff. We’ve condensed her most valuable lessons into bite-sized self-love tips for you to practise in your daily life. So be open, take notes and dive in – self-love class is now in session!
1. You are Enough
“We live in a culture of scarcity, of never enough. There is only one way out of scarcity – and that is enoughness. At some point we need to say: I am enough.”
This is potentially one of Brené’s most relatable, yet powerful self-love affirmations. At some point, all of us have experienced that agonising feeling of not being enough. When we are bombarded with messages that constantly tell us that we need more in order to be happy, it is a somewhat radical act to put your foot down and accept that who you are in this moment, is in fact, enough.
If you want to go deeper and learn a range of self-awareness tools to build a loving relationship with yourself, take a look at Mindspo’s 6-week self-love course Enough.
2. Share Your Whole Story and Whole Heart
“The original definition of courage is to share your whole story and whole heart. An act of courage is an act of storytelling.”
Sharing your story, with all of its pains and struggles, isn’t always an easy choice. But by sharing who you are, ugly bits and all, you are courageously allowing yourself to be seen, and by default, allowing yourself to heal. Remember: the cracks are where the light gets in.
3. Engage with the world
“It’s about waking up in the morning and saying that I’m worthy of love, belonging and joy. It’s about engaging with the world from a place of worthiness”.
Interacting with the world around you from a grounded place of self-worth will undeniably define your reality. Everything around you is a mirror, if you act from a place of worthiness life will reflect that back to you.
4. Vulnerability is the birthplace of love
“Vulnerability is the centre of difficult emotion. But it’s also the birthplace of every positive emotion we need in our lives.”
Yeah we know, being vulnerable is scary as heck. But by reminding yourself that there is an endless supply of love and joy on the other side will make the process of being vulnerable so much easier.
5. Get Vulnerable
“We have this film of terror wrapped around us. I’m not safe enough, I’m not secure enough, I’m not liked enough, I don’t have enough…I am not enough. Guess what the number 1 casualty is of a scarcity culture? We lose vulnerability. We shut down.”
As soon as we shut down and turn the metaphorical tap off to difficult emotions, we also limit our supply of creativity, joy and innovation. These simply cannot exist without failure. Essentially, we have to accept that there is no good without the bad. Starting to see a pattern yet?
6. Let go of your armour
“We all grew up and experienced to varying degrees: trauma, disappointment, hard stuff…we armoured up and at some point, that armour no longer serves us. Your armour is too heavy. It’s not protecting you – it’s keeping you from being seen by others.”
Don’t judge yourself for having armour. It protected you once upon a time. However, if we continue to carry it throughout our lives, that stuff can get heavy. Paradoxically, what we think is protecting us is actually preventing us from becoming the people we want to be. Do you know what armour you are carrying?
7. Speak to yourself the way you speak to someone you love
“How to overcome shame: talk to yourself the way you speak to someone you love. Reach out to someone you trust. Tell your story. Shame cannot survive being spoken.”
This is especially important when you’re feeling unworthy. How many of us have experienced the self-loathing spiral and only fuelled the fire with unhelpful remarks about ourselves? If you’re willing to be kind and loving to your friends when they are feeling vulnerable, why on earth are you not doing yourself the same favour?
8. Let go of perfectionism
“When perfectionism is driving, shame is always riding shotgun. And fear is the annoying backseat driver.”
Perfectionism is the excuse we use to protect ourselves from getting hurt, when in fact it is the exact thing that prevents us from being seen. Always striving to be perfect is, quite frankly, unrealistic. Because guess what? We’re human. And one of our most decidedly human traits is that we are not perfect all the time.
9. Be Grateful
“There isn’t an emotion that’s more difficult to experience than joy. Even when things are going well, we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just stop and say: I don’t know what’s gonna happen in 10 minutes, but right now, I’m super grateful.”
This is what Brené describes as being the key to joy and vulnerability. If you can access this gratitude regularly, you will be more present and able to appreciate the joy you already have in your life.
An amazing way to do this is by implementing a consistent meditation practice into your life. If you want to develop your ability to stay present, calm and grateful, check out the Mindspo Meditation Method, where you will learn everything you need to know about cultivating a healthy mind.
10. Practice authenticity
“There are no authentic or inauthentic people. Authenticity is a practice, you choose it every day. Am I gonna show up and let myself be seen? That’s a choice.”
A lot of times when we come across people that we admire we think that their authenticity is something they were just naturally born with. In reality, authenticity is like a muscle, the more your exercise it, the more it shows up. What small decisions can you make every day to be more authentic? Whether it’s speaking up at work, raising your hand in class or sharing that personal caption on social media, it’s about making that choice.
If self-love is something you want to practice more often, we invite you to check out our free 10-Day Self-Love Challenge, where you’ll learn how to shift your mindset, understand yourself on a deeper level and use tools to make big changes.
If you loved this blog post on self-love, share it with someone who could do with a little love.
In need of some more inspiration to love yourself? Take a look at our other articles in this series.